Last week I left early in the office (early means 30mins beyond my time-out), I had nothing to do then so I decided to proceed to the church eventhough it's an hour early for the service. Inside, there is a celebration. The celebration I always avoided to attend for how many years now.

At first, I was hesitant to enter the church but something was forcing me to enter, sit-down and watched it. I was there all right. I kept on telling myself that I'm strong now. That it is a typical marriage vows that we always witness but the moment I sat on the chair I became numb and there was a peculiar feeling inside me. Then I started to cry. I really cried. I was so absorbed on my crying that I didn’t notice that people started staring at me. I heard whispers and I when I looked up, people were staring at me and before I knew it, gosh, I was making a scene. They thought I was the jilted GF. Arrgghhh, I don’t even know the bride and the groom so I went out!!!

Okay, now I admit that this kind of celebration was out of my list. I always have many reasons whenever someone invited me over for their wedding or if they would not give in, I will just say that I will try to follow in the reception, which is a bad thing to do.

I hate attending wedding ceremonies because of trauma. I had ONE-HELL experience.

And then I thought I could make it… I could get over it. And I WAS WRONG!!!

Maybe …
HE was the one who pushed me to go inside and witness it again.
HE wanted me to get over it.
HE wanted me stop hurting myself and accept it.

But the PAIN is still there. The memory that I'm trying to delete from my system flashed back, just like a VIRUS that hits you, that whatever anti-virus program/activities I embraced, nothing works!

Maybe I should get used to it by now… Eventually, my bestfriend will get married and I couldn’t say no to her.


--