There is something wrong with myself.

I should be happy because I met a new friend and at the same time, my long-time friend's problem was finally over but then . . .

Am I really weird or just acting like a selfish bitch?

My friend, whom I treated like a sister, is leaving me for good. She is the first friend that I met and jive along instantly in this place. She had a good life here before. She's full of fun and lively. She was the one who pushed me back to God and always urging me to join SFC (Single for Christ) but I constantly declining her offers coz it's not my cup of tea in joining groups. She keeps on reprimanding me on my smoking and drinking. We made plans for our vacations and future business. All the good and sweet dreams/hopes that this country could offer turned sour on her due to the situation that she encountered.

Her problem was frustrating and traumatic that she became numb and afraid to go out alone. She was having nightmares and bad feelings that she became recluse to her room and that I have to nag her and dragged her out from her place. We go out from coffee shop to mall to church just to talk and ease her mind from her problems. I shun her away going to bars and disco coz it not good for her. I even adopted her for days to live in my flat.

And now, she's going back for good and it's hard for me to accept that I'll loose another friend. I didn’t even went to her farewell party lastnight.


Why I am being so stupid and a selfish bitch? I should be happy that she'll have peace of mind and will start to pick up herself back to normal.

Maybe, I will just miss her salads, her constant calls and reminders, her sweetness, her cries, her laughter, our memorable experience in prison and ER in hospital last Christmas, our fishing trips . . . I will definitely miss her, just like that!

Today is her flight back to our country and I'm avoiding her calls coz I HATE GOODBYES!!!


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There is no permanent in this world, only CONSTANT CHANGE!